What I learned from spraying toilet bowl cleaner on my head

I am going to share with you this week the craziest and almost dangerous thing I did to myself because I was so self-absorbed and not paying attention to what I was doing. I was lucky but I have since heard stories of some real disasters from people who did the same thing when they were not paying attention.

There is a very powerful lesson from this simple mistake.

Live Faithfully,

Mal

 

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Mal Duane is a Best Selling Author and Personal Life and Recovery Coach who has overcome life challenges using the steps in the Alpha Chick Process. Her personal mission is to help women excel in all areas of their lives from business to personal relationships. Mal has been featured with Fox 25 Boston Morning Show, CBS Radio, Aspire Magazine, Healthy Living and Metrowest Daily News. She has also been a featured guest on over one hundred Blogtalk Radio shows discussing recovery and personal transformation.

Mal’s book, Alpha Chick, Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power, is a best selling book and is available on Amazon.com.

 

Self-Esteem – How to Improve Your Self-Image

Self-Esteem – How to Improve Your Self-ImageI have low self-esteem, but I express it the healthy way… by eating a box of Double-Stuff Oreos.

Miranda – as played by Cynthia Nixon on Sex and the City

Ok, I admit it; I am definitely a self-love junkie! The definition of a self-love junkie is someone who has traded hating and abusing themselves for loving and caring for themselves. A woman who shows up looking good and has put effort into her appearance, not for others, but to honor herself. This isn’t someone who is constantly taking SELFIEs. It’s a woman who isn’t afraid to spend time on herself and her wellbeing, knowing she deserves to feel and look good and that this can truly impact others in a positive way.

There is no pill, drug, book, man or woman that will do more for you than your own self-love. You don’t have to buy it, eat it or sleep with it. How cool is that?

Once I was able to discard all the masks from false perceptions that I had been wearing and discovered my inner divine self, my life transformed dramatically. You see, I firmly believe that low self-esteem and lack of self-love is the root of all evil for women as well as men.

It is those ongoing thoughts of fear that you are not good enough that keep you chained to old behaviors, abusive relationships and jobs you freaking hate. Why live your life as a hostage?

What if you did an about face? You wouldn’t have to chase love, it would show up and you would recognize it. Where did we learn to stay out of the way, to not shine or be noticed? It is a painful awakening to realize our destructive patterns are desperate attempts to fill in what should have been given, what we needed to develop properly, as self-loving women.

I want you to think about this for a minute. Anything in your life that is not living up to your expectations or is painfully challenging is because you don’t feel in your heart that you are worthy of having it. If you don’t feel that you deserve happiness what you attract will fulfill those exact thoughts of unworthiness. Energy is a magnet for what you want in life. When you send out negative energy you create a negative experience. You can even impact your health.

That is the missing key to The Secret! The Law of Attraction is so powerful. You can go around all day thinking I want this or that but if you feel deep within you that you are not worthy, the game of manifestation is over.

The good news is that your self-love and self-worth are your responsibility. Things may happen in your life that can put a ding in your armor but only you have the ability to fix it. Many of us go through life lacking self-worth because of old experiences or as a result of broken relationships that we’ve had. But these things do not define our worth as human beings. We need to know our self-worth is not a reflection of other’s opinions. Understanding this is the crux of creating new beliefs.

I am not trying to oversimplify your current unhappiness, fear or lack of wellness but you have more control over this than you think. It takes work. It takes commitment and discipline. But to create the life you desire, why not?

Once you become perfectly honest and open to seeing yourself with a loving heart, the negative emotional framework of self-condemnation disappears.

There are three things you can focus on daily to increase your feelings of self-love and worth.

  1. You are a divine being put on this earth with a purpose to fulfill (although maybe you haven’t discovered it yet).
  2. You have a divine birthright to be happy, joyful and passionate, knowing you are worthy.
  3. When you release the busyness of your mind and connect with the silence of your soul, you will discover your authentic self.

Remember that life’s challenges are stepping stones to your own success. By loving yourself and holding on to a belief of your self-worth you can dramatically change your life and the path you will travel.

*This article was previously published on MariaShriver.com.

Live Faithfully,

Mal

If you like our content sign up here for updates and a free gift!


Mal Duane is a Best Selling Author and Personal Life and Recovery Coach who has overcome life challenges using the steps in the Alpha Chick Process. Her personal mission is to help women excel in all areas of their lives from business to personal relationships. Mal has been featured with Fox 25 Boston Morning Show, CBS Radio, Aspire Magazine, Healthy Living and Metrowest Daily News. She has also been a featured guest on over one hundred Blogtalk Radio shows discussing recovery and personal transformation.

Mal’s book, Alpha Chick, Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power, is a best selling book and is available on Amazon.com.

 

The Happiness Secret

The Happiness SecretProbably more than anything else in life, we all strive to be happy. Sadly, for various reasons, happiness eludes many of us. Some reasons are self-imposed and others we attribute to other people. The trouble is, when we feel other people are responsible for our happiness we are giving away control over our own lives.

Wake up call: Your happiness is your responsibility

Until I learned this lesson personally, I never really experienced authentic happiness. I lived my life thinking that the right dress, man, car or job would bring me happiness.

Over the 4th of July holiday, I was watching my grandchildren playing when it really hit me:

We are the creators of our own happiness.

Their endless imagination, to my amazement, kept them engaged all weekend in blissful recreation. There wasn’t a moment of boredom or any sense of lacking something. Each one of them had significant roles in the games they created.

My two granddaughters went from being ballerinas to princesses and my grandson, Remy, was dancing with them and had a cardboard tube as a sword. Their shrieks of pure joy touched my heart.

The only time there were tears was if one of them fell down or took the others toy. Their happiness sparked something in me. I remembered how happy I was when I was five years old. I would sail in my boat with my dog all day, or go into the woods and collect things that I thought were treasures. What if we kept that sense of wonderment throughout our lives?

The truth is, it never really leaves us, it just gets clouded over with crap. What if we freed ourselves from the fear of what other people think and just lived with the intent of being happy!

Happiness is not about having more but is about being more. Being the real you, the one that felt she was a princess and could dance like a ballerina. The girl that didn’t see any limitations but only possibilities in the simplest of things. She is still there, hiding within, just waiting to break out and reclaim her royalty in her kingdom.

The lesson here is to reconnect with the mindset of full appreciation of what is. To experience a joyful heart that is not covered over with grievances. To play, and not care who is watching. And if they are, then give them one hell of a performance!

Here is a great playlist from Anna Luther that will absolutely increase your happiness.

Gotta go – Grandma is on her way out to play in her kingdom.

Live Faithfully, Mal

If you like our content sign up here for updates and a free gift!


Mal Duane is a Best Selling Author and Personal Life and Recovery Coach who has overcome life challenges using the steps in the Alpha Chick Process. Her personal mission is to help women excel in all areas of their lives from business to personal relationships. Mal has been featured with Fox 25 Boston Morning Show, CBS Radio, Aspire Magazine, Healthy Living and Metrowest Daily News. She has also been a featured guest on over one hundred Blogtalk Radio shows discussing recovery and personal transformation.

Mal’s book, Alpha Chick, Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power, is a best selling book and is available on Amazon.com.

 

Are you willing to love unconditionally?

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Are you willing to love unconditionally?Have you ever said to someone, “I will love you if…” or better yet, “I will love myself if….”

Well that’s crap. That’s not love, it’s your burning desire to control.

Love does not entail setting conditions that must be met. It’s not predicated on a list of ‘ifs’. You either love fully or you don’t.

How many times have you done things because you wanted to be loved?  I am going to be completely open with you; my list is so long, it makes me gaga. There were so many times I didn’t honor me, my feelings or my values in order to please someone else for the sole purpose of acquiring their love. What do you think happened? Did I get the love I was so desperately seeking? No! I was used for whatever purpose and then painfully discarded.

In full disclosure, when I loved others based on the conditions I placed on them, the outcome was also extremely disappointing.

So why do we do it?

We all have a great inner need to feel loved, to feel valued. It’s part of our DNA to want to be accepted and appreciated. Most of us are raised surrounded by conditional love. We take these conditions on as part of who we think we should be. Like “little girls are ladies and not noisy.” There goes your will to speak up. Or “big boys don’t cry.” Grown men feel they can’t show emotion.

If you sit for fifteen minutes, I bet you can come up with a list of conditional zingers you heard as a child. Our parents didn’t mean any harm by them; they were just trying to get us to behave the way they wanted.

We grow up believing that certain things, that have nothing to do who we really are, make us more lovable or appreciated. So many of us think that, once we are in a relationship with someone, we will get them to change and become what we want them to be. My mom always said you can’t change the spots on a leopard; I really understand what she was saying now.

Look around you today – who could you love fully if you let go of the expectations or conditions you have put on them? Let’s go deeper with this. How could you love and appreciate yourself more if you released the meaningless conditions you have put on yourself? Love is about being happy, content and real. Maybe it’s time to wipe that list of conditions clean and see how love shows up today, in a new authentic and embracing way.

I would love to hear from you how you take that list of ‘ifs’ and turn it into ‘wows!’

Live Faithfully, Mal

If you like our content sign up here for updates and a free gift!


Mal Duane is a Best Selling Author and Personal Life and Recovery Coach who has overcome life challenges using the steps in the Alpha Chick Process. Her personal mission is to help women excel in all areas of their lives from business to personal relationships. Mal has been featured with Fox 25 Boston Morning Show, CBS Radio, Aspire Magazine, Healthy Living and Metrowest Daily News. She has also been a featured guest on over one hundred Blogtalk Radio shows discussing recovery and personal transformation.

Mal’s book, Alpha Chick, Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power, is a best selling book and is available on Amazon.com.

 

What’s your security blanket? Letting go of outdated beliefs

What is your security blanketWhen you were little did you walk around dragging a tattered, threadbare blankey with you everywhere you went? I know I did. My blankey was pink and white checks. It was lovingly worn – the satin trim was missing in places and there were patches where you could almost see through the blanket. If I could not wrap myself up in this shroud of moth holes and juice stains, I would slip into fits of complete hysteria. My blankey made me feel so secure.

We become so attached to what makes us feel secure, even if it’s old and worn. The labels we have inherited or give ourselves work much the same way.  So think for a minute and identify some of the old beliefs you hold that are no longer absolutely true. Stop identifying with the names and labels you called yourself in the past; they may not be applicable any more. Yet, you hold on to them because you are familiar with them as part of your story. Who would you be without them? This is the million dollar question. I have the answer for you:

You would be the magnificent soul you were born to be.

When you arrived on this earth you didn’t have all the labels you do today. So why continue carrying around and living life defined by names (stupid, bitch, skinny, fat, selfish, dumb, ugly, obese) that do not reflect who you truly are? Better yet, why not adopt some positive names to identify with instead? Loving and appreciating yourself is your responsibility and as this love and appreciation grow within it touches others in your life. The excuse that your parents, your mother or your siblings didn’t love you doesn’t cut it anymore. Maybe they did, maybe they didn’t, or maybe they did the best they could. You can’t pin the tail on that donkey any longer because you are responsible for how you feel about you today.

By taking the time to differentiate between the thoughts about yourself that were given to you by someone else and what is really the truth about you, you will begin to develop a sense of your worth. When you develop a sense of your own worth, you will begin to weed out people and situations that do not reflect your own sense of self back to you. You will reclaim the right to your sanctity and dignity. If someone insults you or makes a passive aggressive “dig”, you’ll be able to process it, not react in the moment, and most likely decide that this person isn’t safe to open up to. You’ll be able to detach and move on, knowing that you deserve people that make you feel talented, supported and nurtured. In order to get to this place, you have to do the work. I promise, the results will bring you closer to peace and serenity.

Here are some action steps that you can take:

  1. Go to a quiet sacred space and write down ten sentences that best describe how you feel about yourself today.
  2. Reread the paragraph and underline any words that have a negative connotation.
  3. Replace each underlined word with the exact opposite in meaning. For example, if you write “I’m dumb,” change it to “I am a smart and capable woman.”
  4. Take your corrected sentences and make them your new personal affirmations. Read them daily so your subconscious starts to believe them.

This simple practice will help you create a new image and identity, replacing negative labels with loving and inspiring ones.

Please let me know how you do in the comments below ….I love hearing from you.

Live Faithfully, Mal

If you like our content sign up here for updates and a free gift!


Mal Duane is a Best Selling Author and Personal Life and Recovery Coach who has overcome life challenges using the steps in the Alpha Chick Process. Her personal mission is to help women excel in all areas of their lives from business to personal relationships. Mal has been featured with Fox 25 Boston Morning Show, CBS Radio, Aspire Magazine, Healthy Living and Metrowest Daily News. She has also been a featured guest on over one hundred Blogtalk Radio shows discussing recovery and personal transformation.

Mal’s book, Alpha Chick, Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power, is a best selling book and is available on Amazon.com.