It’s the first day of the New Year and the immediate thought running through my mind is Snap, Crackle and Pop. I remember as a kid eating rice crispies with banana and listening to the cereal make its captivating crackling in the bowl. But the snap, crackle and pop I have experienced in the past two years is a very different one.
It’s a short but exact description of what has occurred in my life. I can feel these words today without the emotional thunder that I have experienced previously.
You see in August of 2013, I came across something that was the most unthinkable and devastating betrayal. When you are betrayed by a loved one, the bond between you suddenly snaps so hard that in that instant of discovery you are looking at a totally new snapshot of what your reality really is. The circumstances of betrayal don’t matter much; they all leave the same gaping wound to your sense of self- worth. What you believed to be sacred and true isn’t. I was doubled over, short of breath and insane thoughts were just kept running through my mind. Nothing made sense to me anymore. I was at a loss and I couldn’t connect the dots. My body was shaking from the snap. I could feel nausea setting in. That was an early sign of what I would ultimately experience going forward.
Then the crackle started. My heart was so heavy that my body ached. My heart was broken. It had crackled into a million little pieces. I prayed for darkness to come so I could close my eyes. But I didn’t sleep, the crackle continued. I would get up 3 or 4 times a night. Exhaustion started to set in. I felt physically weak. I was in no state to make serious decisions. I have always considered myself a strong resilient woman but this experience and the shattering of my heart brought me to a new point of massive disappointment and despair. I knew in the back of my mind, the only way I could go was up. I had hit my emotional bottom.
Day to day I picked up the pieces, slowly trying to adjust to my new reality. I didn’t have the answers but I did have faith that I would be guided as needed. I used every tool I could find to support my emotional and physical healing. I upped my meditation practice to an hour and journaled thirty minutes a day. I consulted a reiki master and also did healing crystal bed treatments. I visited the local ashram for gong meditations on all the full moons. I had a team in place to support me which consisted of my dear friends and a wonderful psychologist.
All the focus on my well-being and pursued healing modalities that I had used for the past started to take effect. I was feeling emotionally lighter, more pulled together in my daily activities. Then it happened! All of a sudden my life popped. I woke up one morning, the sun was shining and I could actually see it. The massive cloud was gone. I felt enthusiasm for the first time that I hadn’t experienced in so long. My shattered heart wasn’t aching. I knew I was going to regain my power and reclaim my life one more time.
I am ready to start to envision a new future. The picture is entirely different but that’s ok. I fully understand that when we go through a major life change, the universe will bring something better. I have complete faith that wonderful things will come. My biggest lesson from all of this is when the rug gets pulled out from underneath you, you have the ability to get up from terrible circumstances. Stay down for a little while to catch your breath. Let your body settle down. You don’t need to try to get up right away. I have learned that I am very empathetic and also have a very strong intuition. I did not listen to my intuition when red flags first came up. I dismissed my higher self voice that was telling me something was wrong. I now know to pay attention to what my body and intuition are telling me.
It takes work and it absolutely takes commitment. I have a deeper appreciation for my self-worth and for being able to walk through the flames of emotional trauma and stand back in my power as an authentic woman who speaks her truth and advocates for herself.
Here are several keys to getting through gut wrenching emotional trauma.
1.Allow yourself to feel the pain. What you are feeling is valid. Sit with it and just be. You don’t need to do anything. Don’t dismiss a situation that disrupts your life just to keep peace or smooth something over. I stuffed my pain at first and hid my anger, trying to act like I could handle all of what I discovered from the beginning. It came back twice as hard and it delayed my healing progress.
2.Change your focus to one hundred percent on your recovery. What could you do to make you feel better? This is your responsibility and not someone else’s. You need to commit to this.
3.Try different healing modalities until something starts to bring you relief. Create a new spiritual practice. Mediation and reiki are excellent for dealing with emotional trauma which traps bad energy in your body. Journaling helps cleanse your soul.
4.You need a support team. Not just women to cry with but people who really understand what you are experiencing.
5.Look for the lesson that is woven in all that you are going through. Your most painful challenges are your greatest teachers. Is there a pattern to the situation? Does it have similarities to a previous experience? Did you ignore warning signs?
I invite you to reach out to me if life has suddenly dealt you a devastating experience or crippling emotional betrayal which has left you whirling in pain and overwhelm. There are steps we can take together to restore your wellbeing and heal your pain.
My heart has felt your pain.