“Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune.” -William James
It’s not life’s experiences that are causing your pain and suffering, it is your resistance to them. The harder you push, the greater the discomfort. You set yourself up for disappointment by having unrealistic expectations. You get so stuck in your own ideas and notions on how something should be.
Many of the expectations you form are based on past experience and not on your current reality. You may have been hurt in the past which left deep emotional scars on your heart. However, that does not mean that everything that happens from that point will have the same impact or turnout. You desperately try to manipulate the situation and rather than let it unfold, you try to control the outcome to no avail.
The mini me voice in your head is constantly advising you, and most times commanding you, to do things a certain way. You have heard enough “shoulds” to last a lifetime. How do you stop this mini war between you and the egotistical you that instructs, tries to control and pushes back? You need to stop “shoulding” on yourself now! Open your mind and heart to the flow of life instead of trying to swim against the current.
Acceptance will release you from the painful resistance and start to connect you with your current reality in a comforting way. If you look at things through the eyes of acceptance, you will recognize that old fears and perceptions were controlling your decisions and connection to those around you. Accept people the way they are, don’t try to fit them into a preconceived mold that you think is acceptable. You will notice that your connections will deepen and you will naturally feel closer to people.
Learn to relax, utilize a spiritual practice to help you connect with your inner truth. As you relax, the resistance dissolves and your life becomes measurably more enjoyable. Once we recognize our resistance and release it, we actually have more input in the desirable outcome of events that are important to us. Learning this skill is crucial to our success. It is the starting point for learning to be calm and negotiate, stops us from sabotaging new and rewarding relationships and setting boundaries instead of withdrawing and/or internalizing anger and powerlessness.
Three steps to get into the flow.
1. Become aware of your feelings/fears about the situation you are dealing with.
2. Are you reacting to the current situation or are your feelings surfacing from a past event?
3. Acknowledge the current situation and stay fully present in the moment. What can you be grateful for right now?
Life can be so much easier than you make it, if you become aware of your feelings and discern if they are justified.
Mal Duane is a Best Selling Author and Personal Life and Recovery Coach who has overcome life challenges using the steps in the Alpha Chick Process. Her personal mission is to help women excel in all areas of their lives from business to personal relationships. Mal has been featured with Fox 25 Boston Morning Show, CBS Radio, Aspire Magazine, Healthy Living and Metrowest Daily News. She has also been a featured guest on over one hundred Blogtalk Radio shows discussing recovery and personal transformation.