Miranda – as played by Cynthia Nixon on Sex and the City
Ok, I admit it; I am definitely a self-love junkie! The definition of a self-love junkie is someone who has traded hating and abusing themselves for loving and caring for themselves. A woman who shows up looking good and has put effort into her appearance, not for others, but to honor herself. This isn’t someone who is constantly taking SELFIEs. It’s a woman who isn’t afraid to spend time on herself and her wellbeing, knowing she deserves to feel and look good and that this can truly impact others in a positive way.
There is no pill, drug, book, man or woman that will do more for you than your own self-love. You don’t have to buy it, eat it or sleep with it. How cool is that?
Once I was able to discard all the masks from false perceptions that I had been wearing and discovered my inner divine self, my life transformed dramatically. You see, I firmly believe that low self-esteem and lack of self-love is the root of all evil for women as well as men.
It is those ongoing thoughts of fear that you are not good enough that keep you chained to old behaviors, abusive relationships and jobs you freaking hate. Why live your life as a hostage?
What if you did an about face? You wouldn’t have to chase love, it would show up and you would recognize it. Where did we learn to stay out of the way, to not shine or be noticed? It is a painful awakening to realize our destructive patterns are desperate attempts to fill in what should have been given, what we needed to develop properly, as self-loving women.
I want you to think about this for a minute. Anything in your life that is not living up to your expectations or is painfully challenging is because you don’t feel in your heart that you are worthy of having it. If you don’t feel that you deserve happiness what you attract will fulfill those exact thoughts of unworthiness. Energy is a magnet for what you want in life. When you send out negative energy you create a negative experience. You can even impact your health.
That is the missing key to The Secret! The Law of Attraction is so powerful. You can go around all day thinking I want this or that but if you feel deep within you that you are not worthy, the game of manifestation is over.
The good news is that your self-love and self-worth are your responsibility. Things may happen in your life that can put a ding in your armor but only you have the ability to fix it. Many of us go through life lacking self-worth because of old experiences or as a result of broken relationships that we’ve had. But these things do not define our worth as human beings. We need to know our self-worth is not a reflection of other’s opinions. Understanding this is the crux of creating new beliefs.
I am not trying to oversimplify your current unhappiness, fear or lack of wellness but you have more control over this than you think. It takes work. It takes commitment and discipline. But to create the life you desire, why not?
Once you become perfectly honest and open to seeing yourself with a loving heart, the negative emotional framework of self-condemnation disappears.
There are three things you can focus on daily to increase your feelings of self-love and worth.
- You are a divine being put on this earth with a purpose to fulfill (although maybe you haven’t discovered it yet).
- You have a divine birthright to be happy, joyful and passionate, knowing you are worthy.
- When you release the busyness of your mind and connect with the silence of your soul, you will discover your authentic self.
Remember that life’s challenges are stepping stones to your own success. By loving yourself and holding on to a belief of your self-worth you can dramatically change your life and the path you will travel.
*This article was previously published on MariaShriver.com.
Mal Duane is a Best Selling Author and Personal Life and Recovery Coach who has overcome life challenges using the steps in the Alpha Chick Process. Her personal mission is to help women excel in all areas of their lives from business to personal relationships. Mal has been featured with Fox 25 Boston Morning Show, CBS Radio, Aspire Magazine, Healthy Living and Metrowest Daily News. She has also been a featured guest on over one hundred Blogtalk Radio shows discussing recovery and personal transformation.
Mal’s book, Alpha Chick, Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power, is a best selling book and is available on Amazon.com.