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What’s your security blanket? Letting go of outdated beliefs

What is your security blanketWhen you were little did you walk around dragging a tattered, threadbare blankey with you everywhere you went? I know I did. My blankey was pink and white checks. It was lovingly worn – the satin trim was missing in places and there were patches where you could almost see through the blanket. If I could not wrap myself up in this shroud of moth holes and juice stains, I would slip into fits of complete hysteria. My blankey made me feel so secure.

We become so attached to what makes us feel secure, even if it’s old and worn. The labels we have inherited or give ourselves work much the same way.  So think for a minute and identify some of the old beliefs you hold that are no longer absolutely true. Stop identifying with the names and labels you called yourself in the past; they may not be applicable any more. Yet, you hold on to them because you are familiar with them as part of your story. Who would you be without them? This is the million dollar question. I have the answer for you:

You would be the magnificent soul you were born to be.

When you arrived on this earth you didn’t have all the labels you do today. So why continue carrying around and living life defined by names (stupid, bitch, skinny, fat, selfish, dumb, ugly, obese) that do not reflect who you truly are? Better yet, why not adopt some positive names to identify with instead? Loving and appreciating yourself is your responsibility and as this love and appreciation grow within it touches others in your life. The excuse that your parents, your mother or your siblings didn’t love you doesn’t cut it anymore. Maybe they did, maybe they didn’t, or maybe they did the best they could. You can’t pin the tail on that donkey any longer because you are responsible for how you feel about you today.

By taking the time to differentiate between the thoughts about yourself that were given to you by someone else and what is really the truth about you, you will begin to develop a sense of your worth. When you develop a sense of your own worth, you will begin to weed out people and situations that do not reflect your own sense of self back to you. You will reclaim the right to your sanctity and dignity. If someone insults you or makes a passive aggressive “dig”, you’ll be able to process it, not react in the moment, and most likely decide that this person isn’t safe to open up to. You’ll be able to detach and move on, knowing that you deserve people that make you feel talented, supported and nurtured. In order to get to this place, you have to do the work. I promise, the results will bring you closer to peace and serenity.

Here are some action steps that you can take:

  1. Go to a quiet sacred space and write down ten sentences that best describe how you feel about yourself today.
  2. Reread the paragraph and underline any words that have a negative connotation.
  3. Replace each underlined word with the exact opposite in meaning. For example, if you write “I’m dumb,” change it to “I am a smart and capable woman.”
  4. Take your corrected sentences and make them your new personal affirmations. Read them daily so your subconscious starts to believe them.

This simple practice will help you create a new image and identity, replacing negative labels with loving and inspiring ones.

Please let me know how you do in the comments below ….I love hearing from you.

Live Faithfully, Mal

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Mal Duane is a Best Selling Author and Personal Life and Recovery Coach who has overcome life challenges using the steps in the Alpha Chick Process. Her personal mission is to help women excel in all areas of their lives from business to personal relationships. Mal has been featured with Fox 25 Boston Morning Show, CBS Radio, Aspire Magazine, Healthy Living and Metrowest Daily News. She has also been a featured guest on over one hundred Blogtalk Radio shows discussing recovery and personal transformation.

Mal’s book, Alpha Chick, Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power, is a best selling book and is available on


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