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Upside down or Bottom out-which one have you hit?

The other day someone asked me about my coaching for women. I started to say I was a Life Recovery Coach and then it hit me. Actually I am a champion for restoring women’s self-worth. When I think about all the women I have worked with, there has been one very significant common thread in our coaching sessions. Something had happened that severely compromised their self-worth.

Like me, many of them had experienced a loss, failed relationship or a circumstance that tackled how they felt about themselves. I now realize my own life is actually a message for what I do. I completely bottomed out emotionally and found myself living in a dark pit of self-loathing and hopelessness. The darkness in my soul led me to believe that I might actually be better off dead. This experience showed me the depths of pain that we as women can fall into.

I know your cries first hand and I have felt your pain.

Once I understood that my self-worth was totally dependent on me and not in the hands on another, I started to climb back up from the emotional bottom I had been living in for years. My mission became that I must teach what I also must learn.

Something that was absolutely fixable had taken so many years of my life as well as almost end it.

Self-worth is the foundation for successful relationships and careers. Without it there is no support for the life you desire. (Tweetable)

It is our perceptions and thoughts of sharp criticism and hurtful experiences that plant the seeds of unworthiness in our delicate minds. Our loved ones assume we will get over it but sadly the scars start to grow internally. It can take surprisingly little things to diminish our sense of self-worth. But when it is gone-holy crap it’s a fast ride down.

The good news is that self-worth is so fixable. It comes from the inside out and you are the only one that can heal it. Your perceptions (your ego’s reaction) to events comments and challenges have created how you feel about you!

I discovered a five step process for living with Faith and restoring our Self-Worth

The first step is changing your focus. Don’t look for things outside of you (clothes, a man or money) to make you feel better. They are temporary band aids for the wound inside of you.

Real healing comes from going within, feeling the pain and pushing the veil of shame and guilt that you have created aside. When you face shame, it weakens its grip on you. Allow the light of self knowing to wipe out the darkness you have held on to. The beginning of climbing up from your emotional bottom is understanding that you put yourself there through your thoughts and not the truth about yourself. You have the power to fix it.

The only difference between you and someone else is your thoughts! (Tweetable)

This is not a complicated process. Walk with me as I take you through it. In the next blog post I will introduce you to Step 2.



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Mal Duane is a Best Selling Author and Personal Life and Recovery Coach who has overcome life challenges using the steps in the Alpha Chick Process. Her personal mission is to help women excel in all areas of their lives from business to personal relationships. Mal has been featured with Fox 25 Boston Morning Show, CBS Radio, Aspire Magazine, Healthy Living and Metrowest Daily News. She has also been a featured guest on over one hundred Blogtalk Radio shows discussing recovery and personal transformation.

Mal’s book, Alpha Chick, Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power, is a best selling book and is available on


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