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Wear A Mask; Meet A Zombie

In the first blog this month I wrote about how we give up our own desires so we can fulfill the desires of another.  It’s sort of like going to a Halloween party.  You put on your costume; you’ve got your mask on.

Chances are the guys at the party are going to be zombies, vampires or monsters, not too many dressed as Prince Charming, right? 

It is the same thing in real life.  The perfect dress or hairdo will not keep a potential partner but a self- loving woman will. Why do we dress in overly sexy clothes, showing cleavage down to our navels or dresses to the top of our thighs? Does a real man want his significant other looking like that?

As long as we hide behind the mask we have created, we think we will keep their attention, their affection. We must validate ourselves and not rely on others to create our self-worth.

The only woman you can be is the one you were created to be.  Drop the mask and let your light shine.  Step out of that false persona and let the real you, the authentic you step up. When you play the game as the real you, you are so much more powerful than some weak impersonation of an undefined woman. What do you fear that someone else will learn about?  Our fears are usually illusions that we create.

How can you break out of this mindset?  These three tips can help send you in the right direction.

Support other women.

Oprah Winfrey recently tweeted about female film director Ava DuVernay and congratulated her.  Ava DuVernay is the Winner of the Best Director Award at the 2012 Sundance Film Festival for her film Middle of Nowhere.  She was a publicist in Hollywood for many years before becoming a filmmaker and is the first African American woman to win an award for best directing at the Sundance Film Festival.

Mention this to a zombie and he’ll most likely turn around and head for the punch bowl looking for another victim. 

Only a Prince Charming would think, “Wow, that’s cool.”  So SPEAK UP.  And tweet a woman who is doing something important or interesting and show your support.

Fix your style.

Zombies have ripped up dirty clothes and they could care less about themselves or you soooooo guess what?

Dress like you don’t care about yourself and voila…you’ve got yourself a zombie! 

Rather go the Prince Charming route?  Then take note of what other women are wearing that you want to look like.

Go through your wardrobe and edit out the things that the new you wouldn’t wear.  Check out Pinterest for inspiration.

When you shop or put outfits together remember who you WANT to be like and who you ARE.  Edgy doesn’t have to be boring.

Save your money.

Zombies usually have holes in their pockets so don’t expect them to be good with money-they might even be looking for yours.

Plus they seem to wander aimlessly so they might not be the most career-minded. 

So save and have your own money.  Know the value of every cent you spend.  Zombies will disappear once they find out they are dealing with a confident, financially independent woman.  You can get started with this by reading Your Money & Your Life by Mark Ashe.  It doesn’t matter if you have made mistakes with money, have a lot or a little.  You HAVE to educate yourself about money.

Please share any comments about Zombies you may have met recently.

Live Faithfully,
Mal Duane 

Mal Duane is a Best Selling Author and Personal Life and Recovery Coach who has overcome life challenges using the steps in the Alpha Chick Process. Her personal mission is to help women excel in all areas of their lives from business to personal relationships. Mal has been featured with Fox 25 Boston Morning Show, Aspire Magazine, Healthy Living and Metrowest Daily News. She has also been a featured guest on over thirty Blogtalk Radio shows discussing recovery and personal transformation.

Mal’s book, Alpha Chick, Five Steps for Moving from Pain to Power, is a best selling book and is available on


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